So I’ll be honest. This has been a really tough semester. I am busier than ever, I’ve been slowly draining my bank account because of stupid mistakes (tickets/car repairs), and I am changing my mindset with school.
The busyness is my own fault—they’re all things that I willingly took on and so I guess I’m not really allowed to complain since I put it on myself. Working so much has paid off (literally) because without it I think I would have completely drained my bank account rather than just partly drained it. And I really like my jobs. They just happen to leave me completely devoid of energy when I get off. Starbucks is seriously intense. You have to think think think think think and when you get off you have NO desire to think anymore which certainly isn’t helpful when you have lots of homework to do.
School is just ridiculous. I am, in fact, dropping honors, not minoring, and not doing American Humanics. This is really hard for me to not be an over-achiever like I am used to. I derived so much worth from that achievement. Without “excelling” at school and not making it my tip top priority anymore (don’t worry, it’s still up there though), I feel like something is missing. That was my “thing” that I spent my time on and now I don’t know what my “thing” is anymore. Which I just realized at this very moment as I was typing those words. So you get how this is throwing me off.
And school is not my favorite anymore. I have to try really hard to like it this semester, even though I like my major better than I did last year.
I don’t feel like I have one particular solid community right now.
All I want to do is sleep and be by myself a lot of the time. It fits in with the whole tired thing. Even my dogs getting excited when I come home annoys me.
I feel like my mood has a constant edge to it. It’s like I never completely shake that annoyed, stressed feeling. I wish I was more emotional because then I could just cry and have a nice release to the stress. But I’m not a crier, unfortunately. I cried in my dream the other night. At least my mind can bring to completion what my physical self cannot. But it was actually a super stressful dream because it was based on totally real fears and emotions. It was intense.
Anyways, I have to drive downtown now to go do tons of stats homework with my old roommate. I just want it to be winter break. oh please oh please oh please.
